You know... As I get older, my inner feelings about my family's Bloodline, History and Heritage become stronger and STRONGER within me. I more often think about things that were only a passing thought to me when I was younger. To be specific: I AM 100% ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT I MARRIED OUTSIDE OF MY RACE... !
More and more now, I see where a lot of females are openly saying that they do NOT date outside of their race. This is something that used to bother me but NOW... I highly agree with it. Now before I go any further, I think I should state that my EX-Wife was a Black / African American Female. That is a HUGE MISTAKE that I will never EVER make again.
I myself am racially mixed (Not my choice). My father was a PROUD Cherokee Native American with an Irish mix. My mother is Portuguese. That HOT Latina Blood mixed with the fact that I am a Passionate Virgo is the reason why I have 4 kids today (2 are twins).
SO, I am a mixture of Cherokee, Irish and Portuguese. So why the bloody hell was I stupid enough to actually "Legally Tie" myself to a BLACK FEMALE ? What the FUCK was I thinking ? Oh yeah, I felt sorry for her, I forgot. Anyway...
Some weak-minded people will NOT actually take the time to understand what I am saying. They will be quick to jump, in labeling me a racist. Well, that is fine. I am perfectly comfortable with that. It's just a word. I do not bend to childish name-calling anyway. The thing that is really bothering me is that DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I feel like I somehow DISGRACED my ancestors. I was always raised close to my fathers' side of the family and my fathers' genes and his looks and features are strongest in me. So I more closely identify with my Native / Irish side. My fathers side are also true traditional Catholics as well.
As I said, I see more and more females who are FIRM in stating that they ONLY date within their own race. I have been feeling extremely strong about that myself. I just keep thinking: How different would my life and kids be, if I would have married a fellow Native American Female and stayed within my own race like I was supposed to from the very beginning. However, my father himself married a Portuguese woman, my mother. Just because my father married outside of his own race, does NOT mean that it was ok for ME to make that same mistake. AS I GET OLDER AND HAVE A MORE DEFINED SENSE OF SELF, I just can't help but feel that I have disgraced myself and my grandparents.
I am only 38 so I "DO" still have plenty of time to correct this mistake. I "DO" want to marry a Beautiful Native American woman (any tribe) and have at least 3 to 4 more kids while I still can so my grandparents' bloodline and heritage does NOT die off. I just feel so responsible, like I have contributed to defacing and disgracing my family heritage (Father Side).
I am SO DAM THANKFUL that my horrible marriage to an undercover Lesbian is OVER NOW. I am Totally FREE to move on freely in my life, and I am not wasting ANY more of MY TIME ! At my age now, I will only get 1 more chance to do this right and believe me, I plan to CHOOSE : WISELY ! I will NOT FUCK UP AGAIN ! I want my father and my grandparents to be PROUD and to smile in Heaven, knowing that 1 of their modern day decedents has PUT THE FAMILY BLOODLINE : BACK ON TRACK !!!!
I am just happy that I have "FINALLY" got this off my chest ! Like it or not, IT IS MY TRUE INNER FEELINGS. All I can say is : I AM HUMAN !!!! If you agree, thank you. If you don't : FUCK YOU !
My Beautiful CHEROKEE Grandmother
GOD Bless her soul.
Note : I have many friends of different races. I do "NOT" hate other races. I just simply want to stay within my own, that's all ! I am PROUD of that.
Love Always in Your Life,
The Fox Web Site
