10 Most Foxy Wanted List

Ten things I would REALLY like to have...  

(Not in any Specific Order) !  

1.  

 

 

 

2.  A Large Loft Style Apartment

 

 

3. A SERIOUS Banging Ass drum set.

4. A BAD ASS FULLY Equipped RV

 

5. An iMac and a Mac Book Pro with Final Cut.

6. A Professional Filming Camera. 

7. A Woman who ACTUALLY knows how to : 

8.  

9.  A Whole NEW Wardrobe 

10. A Natural Country Life...

   

Love Always in Your Life,      

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Sadness, Forgiveness and Redemption

      
      Oh Dear GOD...  I BEG of you...  PLEASE oh please forgive me for my sins of my past.  How much longer must I suffer in silence.  I am constantly surrounded by undercover demons wearing fake smiles.  I am so tired of being unhappy in my life.  I have tried to stay strong for everyone else around me.  I am now broken.  I just can't stand on my own anymore.  I have honored my parents.  I have stood strong for my kids.  I have fought to obey your Holy Commandments.  I have tried to be a good person and an upstanding citizen.  Yet, I am still plagued by demons and haunted by my past sins and I am continued to be punished for it.  

      When is it going to be MY TIME...?  When will I have my chance to finally be happy in life ?  When will I finally prosper ?  When will a door open for me ?  When will someone just give me a chance in life, with openness and acceptance, NOT harsh judgement and criticism ?  When will someone see me for who I "REALLY" am inside, and NOT this monster that I have been forced to become and to wear this ugly male mask that I am forced to wear in my life.  When will I be free of my bondage and chains ?  

      I find myself constantly surrounded by evil, within negative people who swear they only want the best for me, yet continue to drain my energy, play mind games, dampen my spirit and lead me in the wrong direction in life.  I just wanna be free.  I WANT MY FREEDOM.  I want to experience Peace, Love, Acceptance and Tranquility.  I just want to be : F-R-E-E ! 

      
      Oh dear Lord hear my prayer, with my crying heart in your warm healing and forgiving hands.  I BEG you to heal me.  Free me and show me the way to the right path in life.  Shield be from those who lie and only project harm upon me.  Protect me and enable me to see through peoples fake masks and fake smiles.  Grand me clear vision and sooth my soul.  Please GOD, I simply ask you to : Hear me, Understand me and HEAL ME...  Once and for all ! 

   

Love Always in Your Life,    

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I L_ _ _ Y_ _ !

      

      Well...  It never fails !  When ever someone says that they "L _ _ _" me or claims to "L _ _ _" me, they always end up Lying to me and stabbing me in my back.  It just never fails.  Both Family members as well as so-called friends.  I have never in my entire life had someone really be a real TRUE friend or partner to me without eventually hurting me in some way.  

      In fact, whenever I hear those bone chilling 3 words uttered out of someones mouth, my brain only hears 2 things : LIAR, FUTURE BACK STABBER !  My initial reaction is to just smile and down play it.  However, what I IMMEDIATELY do is start distancing myself from ANYONE who claims to "L _ _ _" me in "ANY" way.  Every EX or soon to be ex, I ever had always claimed to Truly love me (BIG LIE), right before they stick it to me.  I have had family members to also claim to "L _ _ E" me, and every one of them were no exception either.  It now even IRRITATES me just to even hear it.  

      My thing is : If you "REALLY" L _ _ _ me, Don't Sing it, BRING IT !  Don't blow it, SHOW IT !  I would MUCH rather someone actually SHOW that they "L _ _ _" me, rather than just say it (Then eventually lie to me and stab me in my back).  

      At this point in my life, ANYONE who says those words to me will only make me RUN LIKE HELL, because I KNOW what comes next (Back Stabbing and Heart ache).  I have been down this predictable road too many times now.  I already know where that dark alley leads too..  

  

      This is why I shoulder and conceal my feelings.  This is why I am NUMB.  This is why I push people away.  This is why I "NEVER" allow someone to get "TOO CLOSE" to me.  I have had enough heart ache and disappointment for 10 lifetimes now.  I just become more cold and numb with each passing moron, huh, I mean, with each passing day that goes by, sorry...  So the next time you lie to some poor future victim, huh, I mean..., the next time you tell someone that you "L _ _ _" them : Actually mean it and actually SHOW it.  If NOT, do yourself and your unsuspecting VICTIM a HUGE favor and...  

          

Love Always in Your Life,    

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